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Non stop spiral down the abyss

a lone ranger on an uncharted journey to the inevitable sad ending

Count Down --- less than two weeks
29 March 2012 .... another milestone ....
Now I truly believe that life is a series of challenges that prepare one for the bigger challenges ahead ...

A freak accident shortly after dawn (6:25am GMT+3 to be exact) on Saturday November 30th, 1985 was a decisive moment in my life; a turning point .... instead of embarking on my musical career (the plan was to sign up for a regular act at one night spot later that evening), I ended up in reconstructive surgery ward, where I spent the next 10 weeks with a disabled right hand.

Miracle after miracle, and somehow I beat the odds, and was discharged mid Feb 1986 with a functioning hand. And that was the start of my career away from the passion of my life: a career as a musician.

Fast forward to 2008.... a major traffic jam on SZR ... snail slow traffic ... took more than 20 minutes from Greens to pass Mall of the Emirates ... late night (after 10pm) ... so damn tired ... tried to wiggle away from traffic only ended up ramming into a 22 wheeler with a badly twisted left shoulder....

Evaded hospitalization and spent the next four weeks without a left arm ...

Fast forward 2009 ... April, an idiot decides to take the team on a team building activity -- fishing on a miniature single engine boat ... sea not so calm ... actually quite rough ... afternoon ... pushes on almost 20 nautical miles off the coast ... and as expected no fish ... the jerk decides to speed it back to shore ... and I end up with a totally damaged right shoulder ... it practically slips out of place with alarming ease ....

Made it through six agonizing weeks ... only to fail on physiotherapy .... which brings us to the present challenge ...

Sleepless for several months ... no I am not in love... no I am not suffering from loss of precious or dear ones ...

Physical pain ... non stop for the past six months ... may be even long before that ...

The old shoulder giving in ... ignored it and the pain ... aggravated reviving musical career practice ... jamming with friends ... had a nice four song gig ... with devastating consequences ....

finally checked in with the orthopedic consultant ... another (actually third) MR examination ... I am getting used to it it scares me ... lol

Impression: shoulder is almost lost ... no ligaments, no cartridges, some muscles pulled off from insertion points ... literally arm now hanging by threads ...

verdict: shoulder needs to be reconstructed; complex procedure .. scary ...

Options: a) nurse shoulder ... end up without one a matter of months
b) reconstructive surgery ...

Risks: 3 to 6 months rehabilitation; 3 weeks immobilization no right arm followed by 4 weeks passive exercise motion ... and finally 6 weeks active / resisted motion

Challenge: living alone ... in an isolated area ... with one arm ... for 3 weeks ...
I hope I am prepared for it ... and live through to survive it ... no guitar or piano for a looooooooooooooong time ...

I am optimistic ... will try to pass time with one hand typing ... left handed ... did it before though it was only the hand that was immobilized ... now the whole arm ...

An interesting challenge ... another milestone ...

I am excited .... thrilled ... looking forward to it ...


For you

Adele ...... WOW sweet......sad.....touching

My younger daughter, bbmed "you gotta listen to Adele albums 19 and 21

So, looked them and managed to get 19. First run through, I guess I wasn't in the mood, didn't think much of it.

Later in the evening, I guess I had mellowed done a bit, and listened to 19 again. ...... OMG this is more than awesome. It's freakishly touching, brought back memories of not so far gone by painful revelation that I am still human after all.

The songs so touching, awakened in me that sad feeling and emotion associated with missing out on something special with someone so dear.

I love it, and hate it!

And now I am scouring the world for album 21 and if I can make it, I'll be looking forward to attending a live Adele performance. Songs so simple the crack me up, break up the wall I'm constructing .......... Thank Adele for reminding me I only human after all. capable of loving, can feel the pain of losing, ......

I wonder what I would feel like after I hear 21?!?!

That will have to wait for a while.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.


Fruit for thought ... copied from a friend

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't ever expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

it's written by anonymity

Writer's Block: True love waits
If you are dating someone who says they aren’t ready to commit, would you wait? How long?

Yes, I'd wait for as long as it takes ... 

It's Official: A Mature Father of a nineteen year old young lady
It was 18 years ago that would play with my sweet Mariam, hoist her up in the palm of one hand, her eyes sparkling with the wonder of floating, hovering like a bird. Yesterday midnight, she walked through the arrivals gate terminal 3 Dubai airport, a graceful young lady, daddy's little girl atolls through the humid night.

I hand her the keys to my land cruiser and her eyes pop out! Yes, you can drive, can't you?

She's nervous as hell. She'd only been driving for three months in the chaotic lawless streets of Cairo, driving a small sedan. Now, she has to negotiate the speeding and disciplined roads of Dubai.

I must say, she did impress me. It was a long ride, from the airport to JVT through al Khail road. Mostly, she did well. Though I do hope she will remember traffic lights are there for a reason, and so are lanes. Speed breakers are there for that exactly. Road signs, though sometimes confusing, have come a long way in the past years. And they are there for a reason.
Most important fact: other drivers cannot read your mind (some don't even know how to interpret your signals) hence forget you are a woman and signal your intentions well ahead.

Nothing to psost today.
Just another day gone by, uneventful.
Focusing now on music, though nothing special there.
Seems I will need to fox my shoulder before I can pursue a musical career.
Not bad with slim guitars, but really painful with acoustic or classical. Too much strain on the old shoulder. It hurts like hell.
Even more challenging with the piano; I guess the shoulder is really important after all.

Anyway, gotta get by with whatever I've got. No use in worrying too much.

Practice, practice and more practice. I'll be needing more cold packs to nurse that damaged joint.

Pain is good after all it means I'm still alive.

Signing off for this uneventful day.

I Don't wanna go down - please don't push me away
I've got nothing to say today.
Another day wasted.
Nothing accomplished.
Well, that's not really true.
I must have done something.
It's so blinding.
I'm so lonely.
I can't seem to enjoy anything.
So empty inside.
I need to snap out of this spiral.
I need you, but I can't have you.
I want you, instead I pushed you away.
You gave me a glimpse of hope.
You gave me a cause and a reason,
To appreciate life, many moments of joy
You showed up suddenly in my void world
Last night I saw you, your smile so comforting
We exchanged papers, not so many words
You looked so beautiful, yet shaken,
You ran away, pushing me out of your world
I wanna reach out for you, put you've coiled up in your shell
I just wanna bask in your warm sunshine
Hold you in my arms, protect us both, me more than you
I really need you, so much I wanna say
I'm sure I love you, feeling so strong it scares me
When we were so close you opened up your heart
Shared moments of weakness, I wanted to reach out and touch you
But you are so beautiful, so popular, so way out of my league
I couldn't believe you would allow me to get that close
We both had traumatic breakups, I was so selfish, so dumb
I misread every cue, let them slip away out of reach
I simply screwed up. Oh what a I would give to turn back the hands of time
So many things I did, I would not do
So many words, I know I shouldn't have said
Only three words, no, four, I truly love you
I was so jealous of your other friends
I wanted to spend every moment I could with you
You need your space, you need to recover
You need to enjoy your long lost freedom
I am truly sorry, I pushed you away from me
I know, but hope I'm wrong
You've closed the door, you've turned away
I don't believe in second chances
But I pray and hope for one more try
I will be waiting, hoping, longing, patiently
Determined not to mess it up,
I'm so lost without you, I don't wanna lose you
I only wanna hold you, I really need you by me
You gave me cause and reason
Please don't leave me drowning
I don't wanna go down, please don't push me away.

Another turnaround day
Up at midnight. Had a snack.
Connection to offic email broke down. Not much to do about that.
Played a couple of songs, maybe three. Not really in the mood. Something is missing.
Watched a couple of recorded Jay Leno shows. Tried to laugh. Maybe a couple of jokes. Maybe more. Not sure. Not I. The mood for that either.
Up till 4am. Forced nap till 5:25.
Up for a shower, dressed up. Test drove the rav4. It's okay I guess. A/C works well. I guess.
Terminal 1. Can't find my flight. Guess what? Emirates is operating an Oman Air flight. It's in terminal 3!!
Head to the metro station. Not enough credit on my nol card. Ticketing office not operative on that side of the tracks. Nice attendant offers to recharge the card from the other side.
Finally, in the right terminal.
Can't log the flight to my skywards. Why? because it's an Oman Air ticket. What a farse.
Landed in Oman. At the hospital.
Not much...... Just work. Meetings. Discussions with the customer. So far so good.
Walked out at 4:45pm. What a lucky guy. Taxi just dropped a passenger. Ride to the airport.
Finally on board. Boring flight.
Landed on time. Nice walk through the terminal back to the car park.
Iftar already gone. Had some water.
Dropped off the rav. Taxi back home.
Daughter ready to go out. Drive to the mall.
Peaceful Iftar at 9:30. Thai food. Tasteless. Perhaps it's me.
Watching people watch the dancing fountain. Twice so far.
Serene. Lonely. This is turning out to be another boring day.
I wonder what it would be like, a fly on the wall. A dangerous life. Sure I'd be swatted or sprayed to death.
What surprises me is that I don't feel bad. Actually, I don't feel anything. Numb. Dumb.
Oh how I hate that banana berry smoothie. Tastes like candy dissolved in water. Yeck.
Need to wash it down. I know, a coffee.
With that, the day is coming to an end.